Addiction to Crack in My 50s
Here I was a man of 55 in a sumptuous 4 bedroom/ 3 bathroom colonial on a San Diego cul de sac, and I was at the bottom. I didn’t know who to turn to as my wife of 28 years was away on a business trip with my 24-year-old daughter, Paula. My son, Kevin, was 21-years-old and away at Stanford University. I attempted to call him, but he changed his telephone number for the 4th time this year. Anyway, I was lying on the floor with my heart practically beating out of my chest and sweat covered me like morning dew over a bed of grass. I attempted to go cold turkey but now as I reached for the telephone in my great room, I realized crack finally got the best of me after my addiction to the drug for nineteen years.
Many of us have heard of crack, but do we really know what it is? Crack is cocaine boiled with soda bicarbonate to trigger the base of cocaine. Cocaine is a distillate crystalline of leaves of coca, dissolved or snorted for injection. Crack is an anesthetic and stimulant of the central nervous system. Crack cocaine is approximately 75% of pure cocaine. Imagine a pound of cocaine is the result of 250 pounds of leaves of coca. According to Sigmund Freud’s paper “On Coca”, it is mentioned: “Cocaine brings about a lasting euphoria and exhilaration that in no way is different from the euphoria that’s normal in a healthy person…You perceive a self-control increase and possess more capacity and vitality for work…In other words you are basically normal, and it is soon difficult to believe you are under the influence of a drug…The result is enjoyed without unpleasant effects that normally follow exhilaration from the use of alcohol.” After a friend of Freud’s became psychotic due to an abuse to cocaine for morphine cravings, Freud was severely criticized for the value of cocaine publication, thus contributing to the popularity as medication for prescription. Today, cocaine has limited medical use.
In my early twenties, I was caught up in the drugs of the 1970s. I was addicted to heroin, marijuana, cocaine and alcohol. I became a complete mess as I was kicked out of college and had to move back home to Pensacola, Florida. After having to endure 3 months of constant reprimanding from my alcoholic father for living at home at 22 without a college degree or a job, I decided to move in with a friend. I wasn’t there long as my friend left town to pursue a music career with his rock band, so I went from place to place before I eventually lived on the streets. Although I didn’t have money for a decent meal, I was always able to find a way to get a hold of drugs. The first time I quit drugs and alcohol was when I finally got a job as a laborer through an employment agency in Ft. Lauderdale. That’s where I went to visit a church that advertised free lunches every other Sunday after morning service. At the church, that’s when I first laid eyes on the love of my life, Margot. In 1979, we married at her church in Ft. Lauderdale.
Five years later, Margot was a stay-at-home mother of our 1-year-old beautiful girl, Paula, and I was a supervisor of twenty-seven employees at AT&T in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. I worked my through going to college in the evenings and finally earned my Bachelors degree in business administration. I was promoted to district manager in 1986, and the following year I transferred to San Diego, California with my wife and two children. On the surface, life couldn’t be more beautiful for a kid that grew up in a trailer park with an alcoholic father and a mother that was a former showgirl turned absentee mother. However, my addiction to drugs and alcohol resurfaced once we moved to San Diego. I resumed my diet of drugs with cocaine and it wasn’t long before a co-worker introduced me to the pleasure in crack. Although I was well-respected at the office, I still felt the pressure of always being on top of my game. I was able to hide the addiction from my wife and children, but as time went on, I found it increasingly difficult to live a normal life without suffering from dizziness, headaches, nausea, erectile dysfunction (it nearly spoiled my marriage), mood swings and fatigue. Naturally, all of this affected my performance on the job and I lost my job as vice president of marketing at AT&T. Fortunately, my wife was doing well as a real estate broker, so I didn’t have to rush out and look for another job. However, I’ve been able to make extra money with several investments on the Internet.
After the telephone call to my physician from the floor of my great room, he diagnosed an irregular heartbeat due to my long-term use of crack. He suggested that I enter a drug treatment center in Malibu for three months. At first when I entered the drug treatment center, I had a bad attitude due to the fact most of the other patients were under 40. My attitude was imperious and arrogant, but deeply, I was embarrassed, insecure and frightened. During the detoxification process, I found a procedure that was worse than when I first dried out in 1977. This time I felt like this was going to be a point of no return. At the drug treatment center, I endured one-on-one analysis, group counseling, diet and fitness, and other programs of education and recreation. I purposely didn’t keep in contact with my wife and children during my stay at the drug treatment center. However, my wife and daughter never gave up on me and they made every attempt to visit. Today, I’ve been sober for three months and I’m now living a productive life as a drug and alcohol counselor at the drug treatment center. My wife and two children now have their old man back, and I thank God that he spared my life to enjoy the rest of the few years I have on earth.
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